Teach Me I’m Enough

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Famous Author Alexander Dumas who wrote such books as “The Count of Monte Cristo” and “The Three Musketeers”, once shared some very wise words on the idea of believing yourself:

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.”

The first part of it is interesting because the lack of belief in yourself can directly lead to the victory of the enemies in your life we have. But I especially like the second half because it speaks to something so potent. A man who has already convinced himself he is a failure on his own, is lost regardless of those who think he is because he has sealed his own fate.

We often worry about what others think and how that perception of us makes us feel and even work. But often times, it’s not those around us we should worry about. Instead we should be looking inside ourselves to find the culprit. We are our own worst enemies. And most of our failures come at the expenses of ourselves, not others.

I am an unrelenting critic when it comes to myself. A heavy burden that weighs on my own success. I am the wall that stands between a life dreamed and a life lived. I am the deterrent that keeps me head down, small risk, and low reward. And I am mud in my eyes that blinds me from the millions of chances that life hands out to trade up and be better.

I am on a journey to believe in myself. To believe in my capabilities and build confidence to back them up. To trust in the decisions I make and the paths they take me down each day. To be hopeful that hard work produces results and persistence breeds rewards.

People around you can help you achieve this, but at the end of the day, only you can be the one to say what is so important for you to know….

That your enough.

Teach Me Not To Settle

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I was thinking about a story I heard about a man and a boat. It started out pleasant enough. He pushed it out to sea and stepped in, spreading himself out across it. He decided he wanted to float. Let the wind take him where it pleased. It was calming. Peaceful even. He drifted off as the rhythm of the waves rocked him to sleep. Days later he woke up to find himself lost with miles of sea surrounding him. What had started off as something peaceful had become something fearful. And in moments he had realized there was a possibility that he would be lost at sea forever.

I think of that story because it seems to mimic a path that many people find themselves on. They start off floating through life just to take a breather. To relax a little after a hard period in their life. But it becomes enticing. It spills over into everything. And before we know it. Floating becomes our life.

A lot of us settle for life barely lived. One full of comfort, but lacking in real happiness. One void of risk, but missing any sort of pride or achievement. We go about our complacent day because well it’s just easier that way. For a little over 6 years I have straddled the line between settling and forging a worthy path. And in truth, settling is kinda nice. You don’t feel much accomplishment but you also remove disappointment and pain from your list of feelings felt.

Problem is: for someone like me, nervousness, anxiousness, restlessness all start to consume my mind and body when I settle. There’s a sort of insanity that consumes me when I lay low and float the seas with no direction. And it taught me one thing about myself. Not settling is exhausting. It’s painful. It risks complete failure and utter disappointment. However, settling and the sickness that it brings is its own personal hell. And it’s one that eats me alive.

In realizing this, I have to fight myself to risk it all. To make something of myself even at the cost of my much loved comfort. Because I’ve been on the other side and let me to tell you, it’s a far worse fate.

Teach Me Intention

There was a time in my life when alcohol was something I used to escape a life I didn’t really want to think about. It was well needed distraction at a period where not very much could keep me distracted. And my intention in all of it was something less then wholesome.

Because of that, I became very unhealthy and the people around me saw it. They knew the place I was in and that I was going downhill. They tried to help me, but in the end all they could do was wait until I was ready to come out of it.

Later on when I was back on track and in a healthy place, I had a drink. It had been a while since I had touched one and in the beginning I felt bad for dropping back into a routine that used to be horrible for me. But overtime, I noticed that things had changed. Now, when I drank, it was just to have a drink. Just to enjoy time with friends. Just to lay back. The unhealthiness of it all had vanished. I wasn’t trying to escape anymore.

I was thinking about this last week and It came to me. The big difference between the two different periods of my life was one thing: Intention.

I noticed it applied to everything in my life. Everything comes down intention. You can do one thing with bad intentions and ruin your life. You can also do the same thing with good intentions, and forever change your life for better. But either way, it came down to the intention you had going into it.

It has me examining my life and the things I do everyday. But more importantly, it has me examining my intention in all my actions. In doing so, I have noticed certain things where my intentions are downright bad. And in those instances, I see that I need to drop it. But I have also noticed that there are certain things that I might not be doing because I thought it wasn’t good for me, but I see now that at that time my intentions were bad. Now however, with better intentions, these things can be apart of my life and actually be positive.

Intention is everything. It makes or brakes something. What are your intentions?

Teach Me To Change My Stripes

Teach Me To Change My Stripes

Years ago, I was a lost boy traveling an endless dirt road that had no foreseeable ending. And because it had gone on so long, everyone around me had began to think it was a permanent change. In doing so, I began to believe it as well. Even more, the thought of going through all the work in order to change myself seems to be an insurmountable challenge. After all I’ve been told you can’t change your stripes.

But there was a little sliver of hope inside of me that wanted to prove that that idea was wrong. I was a depressed, 265lb, lost cause. But something inside of me pushed me one step ahead and only worried about that one step. But that wouldn’t be enough to change my stripes. I needed a bigger motivation.

It finally came to me when I realized how selfish it was to remain the same. I wasn’t giving my friends my best, my family my all, or my work the time it deserved. And the thing was, there were some people in my life giving me their all in spite of what I wasn’t doing.

I knew from there on, that I might not be able to change my stripes solely for me, but maybe, if I kept all those people in my life in mind, that I could do it successfully. And you know what, it was the golden ticket to a new and satisfying life.

Over time, I got healthy. I went down to 190lbs, and I allowed the depression to take it’s course and found that at the end of that tunnel was the warmth of the sun and loving people under it. My passions came back, and slowly but surely, I pursued them and found more hope in them. And lastly, I finally opened up the dudgeons of my mind and let others in.

All this to say, you CAN change your stripes. It may take two years of hard work that might even seem useless at certain points, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Believe you can make a change. Believe you can be better. Believe there is a reason to change. And if you can’t even do that, then look around at the way others around you are being short changed because of the way your life is, and do it for them.

If you can’t motivate yourself, let others do it for you. Push hard and allow yourself to finally let go of all of that selfishness. When you do, you would be surprised how quickly those stripes of yours do change.

Taking A Little Breather

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When it comes to blogs, you write about what you know. About the things around you and what they mean to you and the life you are living. In the beginning when it is not something usual, you feel the need to get everything out that is on your mind. The things that have been teaching you to be different then you were yesterday.

But as time goes on and it becomes normal to record what is going on around you, you find yourself wanting to be quiet for a second. To listen to the new things that are coming in on the wind and the new people that have drifted into your life.

You find yourself tired of talking and only wanting to listen. It is then that you just have to take a step back and breathe a second.

Anyways. I’ll probably start back up next week. But for right now: I’m just gonna listen. Just gonna read what you are saying.

Send me a link to your blog if you want.

Thanks.

Teach Me Sports

Teach Me Sports

For the majority of my childhood, my parents made me play soccer. This meant two practices throughout the week and a game on the weekend. There were many times that I hated having to go to practice  because I wold rather being hangout out at home watching something or playing with a friend. But when game time came, it always seemed worth it.

That only became more true in high school when I played football. Except this time it was practice everyday after school and game on fridays or saturdays. The practice always killed me. Every day I wanted to create some kind of excuse for why I couldn’t practice that day. But again, when game day came, the rush of it all seemed to make it all worth it. That is, till monday came again and you were back at practice.

But as I look back on it, I realize how much more playing sports offered me on top of exercise and a chance to shine on game day. First it offered me community and a sense of loyalty. I remember how close I was with everybody on the team. This was especially great my freshman year. At that time, I only knew the dudes in my own class, but with the help of football, I was able to become good friends with seniors and they helped to make my time in school so much better.

On top of that, sports taught me to always push harder and be better. To know that the mind gives up before the body does. That body can’t last much longer then you think. It taught me perseverance, courage, confidence and so much more. It taught me to never give up even when everything inside of me is telling me too.

And because of that, even though I’m not that big into sports, I will always cherish what they did for me growing up and how they have helped to mold me into a half way decent human today.

Even better I am now able to get a lot of that in the band I play. But it shows just how important community is to our survival and how having other people around you can push you to all new heights and achieving things you would of never thought possible on  your own.

Teach Me Shameless Plugs

So I talked about the beauty of music earlier and it is a fitting day because my band that I play with had released a new single today and yes I am gonna share with you. I know its a shameless a plug and I’m sure this type of music won’t be for everybody, but […]