Growing up began like that of any other family… A caring mom, and encouraging dad and what in many ways was love. I have such good memories from my childhood years of people who longed to see me achieve my best and rooted for me against any odds. However as I came into my late teens and watched as alot of secrets of my family began to reveal themselves, I was forced to examine my past. For my brother and two sisters, it often seemed like they had no fond memories. Which for so long seemed odd to me, becuase I always tried to remember those memories to keep me going through the tough times.
Suffice it to say, I came to find that my family had become quite secretive and closed off. On the outside we posed as the bland american family. However in the walls of our house, trouble was stirring. The puppetry and blind motions we were acting out, were no longer enough to keep the family together. Eventually the seperation of my parents and the eventual divorce split my family apart. As the kids of the family we began to see a whole different side to these role models we had looked up to as perfect for so long. And in so many ways Im happy for such a revelation. However the haunting truth still came with its burdens.
A couple years past all these tragedies, our lives are more full, happy and vibrant but at the time, we found ourselves numb. And in all honest truth, for good amount of time, we resided ourselves in pure ignorance which I think really hurt us for a while. As we move foward into new times where our family is no longer one, I have to try to just find the good in everyone, find common ground and rebuild from there. Its a long road but im traveling down it the only way i know how….
I absolutely know where you are coming from with the family situation. I have one of my own very similar to yours. Two parents, both very different. A Mom who had spent every second of our childhoods with us, and a Dad who was constantly working but always there in all the ways he could. My parents never really got along, and really I have kind of blocked out most of my childhood, and can’t really remember much of it. Anyways, I’m 19 now, and my parents finally started their divorce proceedings last February.
Unfortunately like many divorces I suppose I was stuck somewhere in the middle. I was the middle man between my parents, and in fact my dad had told me first that he wanted a divorce, before even telling my mom. My mom found out and filed first, we picked the toughest lawyer in our town. She had put me against my dad, I thought he was a terrible piece of shit who didn’t ever care about me. Until recently I went on with this thought, being my moms right hand man. The one she went to for everything, the one who did most of her divorce paperwork even. Ridiculous as it sounds, the child taking on the adult responsibilities of a divorce.
Anyways, this year I decided it was time for me to get out from under my Mothers thumb, whether she liked it or not. I felt as if I was living in her image, doing what she wanted me to do, and in many ways I was afraid to cross her. I did cross her, and i’m still feeling the wrath. I decided to be friends with my sisters boyfriend. She’s 16, he’s 20. My mom decided that she didn’t like this young man, and that she wanted him arrested. So she went around trying every single way she could think of to get him arrested. What for who the heck knows. She’s a little crazy. I decided to befriend this young man who will someday be my brother in law. She was very upset with this decision and decided that she would give me the full time college student every single medical, and every other bill she had that was mine. Over$ 2,000 in bills.
Needless to say I was forced to drop out of school this term, to somehow find a way to make it financially. Fortunately I haven’t been living with her in 2 years, so at least she couldn’t kick me out! Now she has pretty much written me off, and her sister has as well. It’s a sad situation really, but eventually she will decide to like me for me. I am me, I am not my mother, and I can make my own decisions. Life as an adult isn’t easy, but i’m working on it and luckily out of this I have been able to build back my relationship with my dad, and he has forgiven me for being so terrible to him through the whole process. I have even built a stronger relationship with my sister, we are now more like friends. Although I have lost a part of my life for now, I know that I do have a family who loves me, and a boyfriend who would do anything for me.
How are things with your family now?
Hopefully your family wasn’t as dysfunctional as mine!